A Trash Can Story

My grandparents (dad's parents) used to live in Bellville, TX. They lived there until I was about 8 (I think). We spent many a holiday and birthday there. Their house was out in the country, and Abra, Colley, and I played many make believe games. Most of the time we were super heroes who magically obtained powers from touching a magic tree or falling asleep by the mystical shrubbery bush or whatever.

We had lots of special kid places that were completely ordinary but somehow we made them magical. There were two trees that had grown together to form an arch that we called the church tree and a tree house which wasn't really a house so much as a piece of wood laying on a branch with a rope hanging down. There was also a patch of woods behind the house with a railroad track which contained many an adventure.

Lots of room to play, and some really great memories were made there - and some made before ever reaching Mimi and Papa's house.

One time on the way there, Abra and I were looking out the car window. And Abra yells "Look a deer!", and I whipped my head around trying to see the deer (but didn't see it). A few seconds later Abra yells again "Look a squirrel!" Again, I try to catch it but don't see it in time. Again a few seconds later Abra points in a different direction, "Look a bird!" By this time, I should have known that she was messing with me and wasn't actually seeing anything. But I am like 5 or something so this does not occur to me. All I care about is that she is seeing all this glorious wildlife and damn it, I want to see something too.

I keep searching the woods looking for anything that would be cool because I HAVE to be as cool as my big sis. Abra is continuing to point out animals,
"Look a rabbit!"
"Look a skunk!"
I am desperate at this point. Please let me see something. Anything. Please something to point out.
"Look a bird!"
PLEASE GOD, let ME see something. I am searching the woods. Concentrating on something, anything that could be cool. Then I see it.

"LOOK ABRA A TRASH CAN!"

Sure enough. I point out a blue garbage can. My parents immediately erupt into laughter as do me and my sister.

So there is the trash can story...so if you ever hear Abra say "Look Rachel a trash can," you know why.

Home, Hope, and Future Happy Ever Afters

So it's amazing how a trip home to see the fam can change a person's mood. I went to Texas this past weekend to see my sister graduate from nursing school - she is a full blown RN now (Congrats again, Abra). Also, my cousin Colley got married, and it was one of the most unique/ fun wedding I have ever attended.

Between the hot weather, Mexican food, Posey family antics, and traditional Buddhist wedding, I began to feel better about being so far from home and not having a job. So I'm back in the good ole' northwest feeling hopeful and working my butt off to that opening (that I know is out there).

But I HAVE to give some details about my cousin's wedding. Let me just start off describing the Posey family. We are talkative, competitive, hot-natured, large (meaning most of us are over 5'6 and 160 lbs) and Methodist. So when we were told that Colley was marrying a Vietnamese woman in a traditional Buddhist wedding, my sister and I prepared for a wedding of a lifetime. In a Buddhist wedding, it begins in the morning and pretty much lasts all day. The parents of the bride give her away at their home and then travel to the groom's home for a similar ceremony, and there is a reception in the evening.

All of this took place in Houston where even the Devil sweats. So please imagine the large, sweaty, extremely caucasian Poseys interacting with the bride's polite, quiet, small, Asian family. It was quite humorous, and absolutely a blast. The bride's family was extremely sweet, but I am sure they were thinking what is wrong with these white people who can't stop sweating.

The reception was the riot of the day. It took place at a Vietnamese restaurant and was hosted by the most exuberent if slightly less than fluent Vietnameses DJ. The reception consisted of a 10 course meal which I think I ate 4 courses. Although my brother-in-law next to me ate every course even if he wasn't exactly sure what it was. All the time we are eating, there is Vietnamese karoke taking place. My mom and dad threatened us within an inch of our life (especially Abra) to not laugh at any of the wedding, but when the soloist sang "Only You" with a strong Asian accent and my mom started crying with withheld laughter, I knew we were exempt from the rule. The evening continued with Abra and I singing a duet to "Stay" by Lisa Loeb and my uncle Matt singing "Stangers in the Night." Of course the reception held the usual amount of toasting, cake cutting and bouquet tossing, but the night was topped off with the DJ getting couples to compete in saying love the longest, and my dad doing the robot/ "chollo"/ seizure dance on the dance floor to some indescript hip hop song. If you have never met my dad, just imagine a cross between Forest Gump and Tom Hanks in Castaway wiggly his booty and throwing gang signs to hip hops songs. Abra and I did our own fair amount of embarrassing dance move. But I think I enjoyed watching my dad play around with his brothers and sisters and Colley marrying his lady love more than any of the food or drinks I usually enjoy at a wedding. But of course one of the highlights of the night would be my family stopping off at the most disgusting gas station on the way home, and Abra and I cracking up over our hover technique when emptying our bladders.

It was a beautiful if little hilarious wedding. It made me start looking forward to my own upcoming wedding. Dale and I are working out the details of the whens and whats (when we will do our first dance, what song will he dance to with his mom, etc). And we just decided to take a honeymoon - Hawaii here we come!

Exciting stuff.

Email

So I honestly do not think there is anything more depressing than sending over 20 emails in the last 2 days and checking my email to find a Pottery barn dm and DSW dm.

Yuck.

Last week I almost got a job - a really really great job...that I really really wanted. The week prior I received an email for a position at a law firm. They received over 400 applicants for this marketing assistant position, and I was one of six applicants to receive a phone interview. Had the phone interview - it went awesome. They called me back that afternoon and asked for a face to face interview that Thursday. Went to the interview. It was tough, but overall went really well. They call me that afternoon to tell me that they had narrowed it down to me and another candidate. They knew I was perfectly qualified but was afraid I might get bored. They were having a tough time deciding. They would call me the next morning (Friday) to tell me either way.

Friday comes...no call. BTW, I have not slept or eaten since the interview. I have to work at Target that day and am a complete emotional wreck. It is also Dale's birthday...happy birthday Dale. We try to enjoy our weekend (Dale bought an awesome bike for his birthday and we saw a movie) but I'm thinking about the job the whole time. Monday morning ...still no call. I am losing it at this point.

Tuesday...they call. I didn't get the job. I get emotional on the phone with the HR rep but hold it together. Tuesday was awful. I just cried and cried. I went for a run and felt better. Tried to get over it. I didn't really talk to anyone (even Dale) because I knew I would get upset. I have to go to Target...fun. At work, I call my parents to reassure them that I'm okay and am handling it. I upset my mom and start bawling in the coat closet at work. I say some mean things to her...because I'm bitter and upset...and apparently reliving my preteen years of "no one understands me."

Wednesday...I still feel down but I make up with my mom (although I still feel guilty about it). I go to work and try to feel better.

Thursday...work

Friday....more work

Saturday....work (another Saturday of not seeing Dale)...although we did go see Star Trek in the evening...which was nice

Sunday...no church, just work

Monday (yesterday)...work

Tuesday...work

tomorrow...go to Texas

So a lot has happened in the last 2 weeks, and I have been on a complete emotional roller coaster. I'm feeling down a lot and worrying everyone which just makes me feel worse. I'm emailing and calling people, trying to persevere.

But it's getting harder.

So no email responses. Not good.

Funny Memories and a coyote heart

I have become addicted to this blog Tierd. It is one of Hilary's friends (and I've never met her), but she writes about her family and especially her kids. I am completely addicted and always look forward to a new post, and she is really good about posting every day or at least every other day (unlike moi). Anywho, her posts sometimes remind me of silly/ funny memories of me and my sister - like this one.

In Madisonville, all the kindergarten classes take a class trip to my dad's vet clinic (or at least they used to) to see how a vet clinic works and learn about animal health, etc. My parents would remove all the animals in the kennels and would replace them with me and my sister's stuffed animals. So when the kids took a tour, they would see pink bunny rabbits, Care Bears, and Poppels behind the bars instead of depressed, sick dogs and cats. Anywho, my dad had an office in the clinic where he did his work. On his desk, he had animal bones, specimen jars, and other doctor type accessories, but one really caught my attention- a jar containing a coyote heart with heart worms.

However, I need to back track a little. My sister is four years older than me and was born premature - very premature. She was tiny at birth, and I believe her lungs weren't fully developed (but I could be making that up). Anywho, somehow as a kid, I learned this information and knew that when Abra was born, she wasn't completely healthy and had to stay in the hospital. So begins the delusions of a six year old.

When my class visited my dad's vet clinic, of course I showed off. I would point to the stuffed animals and say "that one is MINE, and that one is Abra's" and tell them their names, etc. When we got to my dad's office, and I think our teacher and my dad must have stepped out for a minute because I don't remember any adults being there, I began telling my classmates all about my sister's problems at birth. I pointed to the coyote heart and told them what I believed was the truth at the time. "That jar is my sister's heart. When she was born she needed a new one so my dad gave them the coyote heart, and they put hers back in that jar."

Yup, I told my kindergarten class that my sister had a coyote heart, and her "real" heart was sitting on my dad's desk in this vet clinic. Although this is a ridiculous lie, I really believed it. I have no idea when I realized that it wasn't true, but up until about 3rd grade I think most of my friends believed me. And Carnell Craft, a boy in my class, asked me about this lie whenever we graduated high school. So I'm sorry Abra that I told everyone you had a coyote heart, but isn't that a great story.

Updates

- Liem called me a few weeks ago, no progress in job...I have given up :(
- Working at Target in the market area, it sucks, but it's money
- Wore a tank dress and flip flops today - yay spring
- Hung out by the lake near our house and have finally started on my summer tan; this is the whitest I have ever been (including the womb).
- Lent is over and being a non meat-eater wasn't that bad, but the pork tenderloin on Easter was AMAZING
- Parents visited on Easter, and I miss them even more than ever
- I'm traveling to Texas (minus the Daler...sad) for Abra's graduation
- Everyone's birthday is coming up - Abra, Mom, Dale, Cliff, Neil, Jenni, and Susie (although she is in June); I'm putting on my creative/thinking cap for this next 2 months
- I'm SO ready for a real job and am battling a new bout of depression; I think the anti-news from Liem sent me over the edge but having the Target job is helping and spring too
- Trying to workout more regularly; the schedule on the fridge lasted a few days...lame
- Went running yesterday and really wish I was an awesome athlete like Corey or at least half as dedicated
- Craving some new spring/ summer clothes - but it's highly unlikely for a while
- Dale and I are debt free (except for some student loans) - yay tax refund!
- Super inspired by my book Handmade Nation and can't wait for the documentary which should come out in May
- Uber jealous of all the corporate Target peeps that hang out at the store, analyzing the displays and/or buying lunch
- Running out of job ideas and need help...let me know if you know anyone in MN
- Missing my friends in TX (and CA, IL, NY)..ready to make some real friends here and have ladies to chat with
- Again, SO READY for a real job/ career, but heading off to Target to work the evening shift :)

Inspired to Write by Say Hello, Wave Goodbye by David Gray

There are those moments in your life you never forget. Your first kiss. Riding your bike without your training wheels. The first night alone after losing a loved one.

This was one of the moments. I took a step onto the dock knowing it was a step toward the future and away from the past. I was ashamed that a tear escaped and choked back the emotion. I could hear the ocean behind me and the uncomfortable silence in front of me. I stared at the three strangers waiting just steps away. They had taken a long journey to wait for me here. Of course, I had taken an even longer journey to get here and this moment.

I never knew I would feel more friendship, more kindness, more familiarity with a group of course sailors than my own family. But of course now, they had become my family. I nervously took another step forward feeling the harsh sun burning my cheeks. The ocean's wind whipped my cropped hair against my face, slapping it without any remorse. I had been looking forward to this moment for the last 6 months, and now I was here and I wanted more than anything to turn around back to the ship and my family.

But my real family had their tears in their eyes too. I'm not sure from joy of seeing me or guilt of not recognizing their abandoned daughter. My father stepped forward, grasping my trunk and breaking the frozen moment. I quickly gave a sad wave to my old family and followed my flesh and blood towards the future leaving the ocean, the ship, the adventure and my family behind me...as if it were a dream...a sad, hard, but all too glorious dream.

Marathon Read

I just added up how many pages I read this weekend and am very proud of myself!

Between Thursday at 9pm to Tuesday at 1:30am, I read around 2800 pages (but absolutely nothing else...ha).