Tuesday, May 12, 2009


So I honestly do not think there is anything more depressing than sending over 20 emails in the last 2 days and checking my email to find a Pottery barn dm and DSW dm.


Last week I almost got a job - a really really great job...that I really really wanted. The week prior I received an email for a position at a law firm. They received over 400 applicants for this marketing assistant position, and I was one of six applicants to receive a phone interview. Had the phone interview - it went awesome. They called me back that afternoon and asked for a face to face interview that Thursday. Went to the interview. It was tough, but overall went really well. They call me that afternoon to tell me that they had narrowed it down to me and another candidate. They knew I was perfectly qualified but was afraid I might get bored. They were having a tough time deciding. They would call me the next morning (Friday) to tell me either way.

Friday comes...no call. BTW, I have not slept or eaten since the interview. I have to work at Target that day and am a complete emotional wreck. It is also Dale's birthday...happy birthday Dale. We try to enjoy our weekend (Dale bought an awesome bike for his birthday and we saw a movie) but I'm thinking about the job the whole time. Monday morning ...still no call. I am losing it at this point.

Tuesday...they call. I didn't get the job. I get emotional on the phone with the HR rep but hold it together. Tuesday was awful. I just cried and cried. I went for a run and felt better. Tried to get over it. I didn't really talk to anyone (even Dale) because I knew I would get upset. I have to go to Target...fun. At work, I call my parents to reassure them that I'm okay and am handling it. I upset my mom and start bawling in the coat closet at work. I say some mean things to her...because I'm bitter and upset...and apparently reliving my preteen years of "no one understands me."

Wednesday...I still feel down but I make up with my mom (although I still feel guilty about it). I go to work and try to feel better.


Friday....more work

Saturday....work (another Saturday of not seeing Dale)...although we did go see Star Trek in the evening...which was nice

Sunday...no church, just work

Monday (yesterday)...work


tomorrow...go to Texas

So a lot has happened in the last 2 weeks, and I have been on a complete emotional roller coaster. I'm feeling down a lot and worrying everyone which just makes me feel worse. I'm emailing and calling people, trying to persevere.

But it's getting harder.

So no email responses. Not good.


  1. Rachel, please hang in there. I promise something will come along.

    Also remember that everyone struggles. You aren't alone...AT ALL...you have a million people rooting for you and ready to help you in any way they can.

  2. I know how you feel Rachel. I was in that dark place for a good two years. I was depressed angry and most of all mad at God. I thought, I will never become what I wanted to be. Finally God answered my prayer. But it was more challenges for another year. I didn't see my wife or Son for months being out flying in Vegas. I was poor and slept at the airport sometimes just to have a roof over my head. I thought, this is what I get for all the hard studying and good grades and working three jobs in college will get me!

    I was at the precipice of despair. I kept at it though and prayed. Finally, I got the job that I always wanted.

    I am just trying to say that I know how the anguish feels. I might not know exactly how you feel Rachel but I will be here for support. You have done good things for my brother and you are and will be a blessing for this family. Keep going, I promise it will get better.

  3. You are a great interviewer. I still remember phone-interviewing Rachel Posey! You were standing in a hallway at school ... and you were delightful.

    Damn recession!!!