Raindrops on Roses, Whiskers on Kittens, and Shiny Kettles

Things that make me feel good about myself, life, and the world in general:

- Newly painted fingernails in my favorite color - clear
- Writing notes on new stationary
- Singing with Dale while doing the dishes...Disney seems to be a favorite
- Newly applied lipstick
- Babies that make strangers laugh
- Plunko...nuff said
- Inside jokes with my sister...armadillo, armadillo Abra
- Fluffy pillows and comforters on a cold night
- Christmas carols with Chai tea
- Any and every movie with Emma Thompson
- Dale hyped up on energy drinks working at his spot in the living room
- Dad tickling me and Abra until we scream or get mad (not really mad)
- Ringing Mom like a bell
- Neil calling Abra "babe"
- The squirrel that lives outside the living room window
- Corey's cackle
- Mexican martinis and Kerbey queso
- The feeling you get after baking in the sun until you can't stand it and then putting your feet into a chilly pool/ lake
- Finishing a book and wanting to reread it immediately
- Calendars with notes in the margins and crossed out sections
- Bethany's serious look that is all too similar to Abra's
- Open windows during a rain storm
- A magazine, glass of lemonade, flip flops and an empty afternoon
- Susie's hugs...she's so little. I could squeeze her until she pops.
- Dad's laugh/ Dick Van Dyke impersonation
- Broadway tunes while working out
- Ripping the tags off a newly purchased outfit
- Krupa's "Oh, let me tell ya"
- Beer, pajamas, and Battlestar Galactica
- Shaving your legs and then going swimming
- Jenni's Micky impression and that prof we had freshman year "Brazil, Brazil, Brazil"
- Stretching after a 3 mile run
- Filing
- Labeling my emails and trashing the SPAM
- Grown men who use the word "cute"
- Summer in MN after that ridiculously long winter we had

So I'm feeling better today (if you couldn't tell). I'm SOOOO excited because my mommy
is going to visit me on July 13th through the 16th. She is going with me to my wedding dress fitting. Plus, I think she knew I need to see her. Hope you are enjoying your summer day no matter where you are!

Routine

I'm missing a routine. I recently realized that I've stopped looking forward to things and planning ahead. I'm looking foward to the wedding but it depresses me to think I might still be working in Target in November. Back in Austin, I looked forward to the weekends and planned dinners, outings with Dale, and happy hours with friends. Here I don't do that anymore. I mostly work weekends, and I haven't really made any friends here (except for Britta and Amy).

I'm having a blue day. I really miss getting up every day at the same time and having my weekends. I'm missing getting to work out at the same time and knowing what my schedule is the next week. I know I've said this a thousand times in the last few months, but I am ready for a job, a good job. I feel like such a bum that I don't get up until 8:45 or 9:00 am every day and watch TV while I get ready. I know it's because I work evenings but it makes me feel down.

I'm going to go work out and try get over this blue day, but I think I'm just tired, really tired. I hate too that I feel like when I talk about this I bring everyone else down especially Dale. I think I make him feel guilty for moving here which is not my intention at all. If the economy hadn't taken a turn, who knows where I would be. So I'm feeling guilty, bummish, and blue today.

I applied for a job at Target headquarters which I'm really excited about and depressed about. I'm excited because it seems like the perfect position but feel depressed because I don't want to get my hopes up and the likelihood I'll even get an interview is slim. I met with someone from headquarters yesterday for an informational interview. She was great. So nice and very helpful. But like I said I'm just worried because I want this position so much, so much more than every other position I've applied for.

Therefore, I'm even more anxious about this rejection that may come. I'm trying to keep faith but it's hard. It's hard because I know how competitive it is, how many promising interviews I've had that amounted to nothing and the chances I'll even get an interview. I'm scared to want this position so bad because I don't want the disappointment.

Faith is hard.

Lessons Learned from the Job Front

- The "we'll keep in touch" line at the end of an interview is the equivalent to the "I'll call you tomorrow; we should do this again" at the end of a date...so don't hold your breath

- Black suits are not really necessary anymore. I've gotten more compliments/ comments on my interview clothes which consist of a flowered skirt, a white blouse and JCrew blue sweater.

- Thank you notes are a must. Never skimp on this - it sets you a part.

- Honesty is appreciated but should be avoided...jk. Employers seem to enjoy straightforward talking, but I don't know if it's effective since I haven't gotten a job yet.

- Befriend the secretary/ HR rep. They will remember you and pull for you in the end. I'm still in contact with several secretaries/ HR rep's that send me info when openings occur.

- When a HR rep promises to call you by a certain day, don't necessarily believe them. I've had at least four different companies promise to call by Friday, but didn't end up calling until the next week...lame.

- Tough skin is a must, but a sincere heart is required. Sometimes I think the employers like me because I'm sincere and lay my heart out instead of my qualifications/ skills. Whenever they have given me the all dreaded rejection phone call, they have always asked me to give them a call if I need a reference and have followed up with any requests I make.

- Friendliness trumps aggresiveness any day.

- A firm handshake can make or break the deal. The other day I met with a potential employer who after meeting me told me to educate the rest of the young women she had met recently and tutor them in a good handshake. No limp wrist here.

- It's all business...unless you make a personal connection. We all like to think that it's all about the skills and the work, but you have to work with these people every day. Share lunches together. Work late together. Overcome personal backgrounds/ beliefs to meet minds. It's very personal because you want to work with people you like...or at least you can tolerate. So FIRST make your employers like YOU (personally) and then prove to them you can do the job.

- There is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it. Faith. That is what's all about. Faith in yourself. Faith that the right job is out there. Faith that God will provide.

I had an interview last week with Carl Zeiss for a job I was completely underqualified for. It was very strange. They wanted someone with 5+ years and yet they called me to meet their VP of marketing...weird. They were supposed to call me last Friday. Shockingly, no call came. Oh well, their loss.

I'm meeting with someone from Target headquarters today, and I'm SO excited. Hopefully it will go well. I applied for a job in communications on Friday and hoping that it is all part of God's plan for me. You hear that God, I'm trying to let go. Rachel "control-freak" Posey is trying to let go.

Wish me luck!

Late Night Monday Post

I don't know if you have seen this. But it is one of my most favorite sites. Whenever I am feeling down, I just remember I could be Jon Arbuckle.





Also, keep me in your prayers for Wednesday. I have an interview with Carl Zeiss for a marketing/ public relations coordinator position. Wish me luck!

FRIDAY!!!

Yay it's Friday, and I have the whole weekend off. I have not had a weekend off (besides going to Texas) since Easter. Dale and I are going to take care of some wedding stuff and then hopefully sit by the lake all afternoon with books from Barnes and Noble. Then we will try some sushi and go see a movie.

I'm pretty excited. I need to get my wedding shoes this weekend for the fitting on Monday so I need to make time for that.

Yesterday got better after I went to work. I had a long talk with my manager Tina (who is lovely and very supportive), and she really cheered me up. She is an engineer who got laid off on her first job (because of 9/11) and began at Target. Now she is known as an ETL (executive team lead) which basically means she is one of the top managers of Target. We discussed in depth her role yesterday because she (and apparently other ETL's at my store) feels I would be a great ETL and could be promoted directly to that position.

It's a completely different career path, but I'm considering it. On other Target news, I have an informational interview with the communications department on June 30th. I am not that hopeful about it just because I have definitely had a lot of informational interviews in the last few months that have not amounted to anything, but at least it is progress. I am excited about it. I am really looking forward to seeing the inside of headquarters, and who knows maybe this could be my in.

I talked with my mom yesterday about the whole job search, and we talked about me letting go and letting God take over. It is SO hard. I really like to be in control and take care of things myself - I don't want favors or help from people. I have been praying a lot, but it is so hard to not worry and wish and just let Him help guide my life. This is the first year in a long time that I've been reading my Bible more regularly and looking forward to church. It has a lot to do with Dale who has really become more devout as he is getting older which I just love. He reminds me so much of my dad sometimes...wow that makes me miss my dad just saying that.

That is probably one of the reasons I am going to marry him. He is silly and goofy like Dad but an extremely hard worker when it comes to his career. Also, Dale will never (and I mean never) say no to helping someone else even strangers (just like Dad). So I'm glad that he is becoming more of the Christian leader in our house like my dad was in my house.

This posting has gone all over the place. So there's an update if not brief at least a little thorough. :)

:(

Nothing like a bad day to follow a good one. Just got a call from Target, and I was scheduled to come in at 11:30 am...I thought I went in at 2:30. I feel like an idiot and erupted into tears after hanging up. So now I'm waiting on the quiche that's in the oven to be done so I can leave. But I'm pouting and crying like a little kid...because that is how I feel. I can't even work at Target without screwing up my times. They probably think I'm an idiot.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I'm getting the hopeless blue again. And I was doing so well yesterday. :(

Better Days... :)

Yesterday is behind me, and I am plowing forward. I don't think I rave about Dale enough - so supportive. I called him right before going into Target yesterday and had a complete meltdown - crying on the corner of 9th and Hennepin. Dale did enough encouraging and enough pitying to make me feel better and pull myself together to go to work.

So today, I am emailing and calling up a storm. I feel like a real adult today because I just pitched an idea to a potential employer. I pitched some freelance work with a timeline and price tag attached (of course the price is $0), but hopefully, the potential employer will be excited and bring me on for a while (like an intern) and fall in love with me.

Even if it doesn't pan out, at least I'm taking more control of the situation. I feel like I'm actually DOING something.

Anywho, I've been reconnecting with some old friends. Becky is working in Houston, and she and I have been emailing each other. She is lovely. I absolutely LOVE her and hope we can arrange for her to fly up here soon. I need to call Rich White who has just moved to Dallas to start his new job. I need to find out he's doing, but as I'm sure you know, I'm TERRIBLE at calling people.

Wedding news - wedding dress fitting on Monday, bridal shower in Madisonville some time in September/ October (YAAAAAAY!), bridesmaid/bachelorette weekend on Labor Day weekend, invitations are almost done, Dale and I are deciding the honeymoon place this week (Dale if you are reading this - THIS WEEK), invitation list is almost done, and engagement pics next weekend....exciting.

So you see, I just had to get through yesterday :)

Good days, bad days

So some days I wake up energized ready to tackle the job market excited to find something. Other days (and they are increasing), I wake up feeling depressed not wanting to send 20 emails to receive none in return. I'm just getting really, really tired. Target has been great because it helps pays the bills, and I have met some great people....but I hate it. I'm SOOOO ready to quit. I feel like I spend 90% of my time there daydreaming about the day I will get to quit and start at another job.

While I'm at Target I feel bored but tired/stressed the whole time. I'm on my feet for 8 hours, but I'm not using my head at all. Also, I could live without dealing with the crazies that tend to shop there. I feel like such a complainer. I don't mean to be. I'm just so tired.

I get so depressed thinking about the amount of time I've been without a "real" job. I've been in Minneapolis for almost nine months. I've been out of school for 2 years but only have a year of experience and almost a year of idleness. It's just really frustrating and I feel like it's my fault. That I'm not trying hard enough because I feel like I should have a job by now.

Because I've been in limbo so long, I feel like employers are looking at my resume thinking "what's wrong with her that she hasn't found a job yet." I know the economy is tough and jobs are scarce, but I thought I would have more luck.

I know it's all about keeping the faith, having hope. Just some days are harder than others especially when I go into work at Target. I'm just ready.

But I know tomorrow will probably be a good day and need to get through this bad one.